Unholy Media Productions Presents: HOLY SHIT! ENERGY DRINK

In today's day and age one has to make a product that delivers a bang, a kick in the gut, a punch in the face, a sledgehammer to the scrotum. We here at Unholy Media Productions bring you that sledgehammer to the scrotum; x infinity, in a can. We bring you, HOLY SHIT! ENERGY DRINK. Packed with enough shit to make your stomach rebel, and your mind shut down; HOLY SHIT! is bound to leave you gagging on the floor, clutching your scrotum (remember the sledgehammer) and yelling, "Holy Shit! Why did I do that!".

Quite literally, this drink will ruin your life, destroy you cognitive abilities and make you wanted by Greenpeace (it has bits of real panther and rhino in it). But the high you get is unique, unforgettable, and impossible to recover from. So take a look and see if HOLY SHIT! ENERGY DRINK is right for you.

Still not convinced that HOLY SHIT! ENERGY DRINK is right for you? I don't blame you, if you enjoy being a little shit and don't want to be awesome enough to yell out, "HOLY SHIT!" Then don't drink it. Or maybe your just afraid? Well why don't you start with this first:And that IS a real drink.

Disclaimer
Unholy Media Productions does not endorse the eating or drinking of anything that may contain "shit". Further it is not recommended that you read this post outloud while at work as it contains several bad words that may result in your termination if uttered, especially, "HOLY CAT BALLS!"
Further, if energy drinks are a major part of your life than be safe and figure out how many drink you can safely imbibe here

EXTENZED

Unholy Media Productions Presents: EXTENZED!
You've seen the commercials, you've questioned the validity, you've pondered the possibilities, you've mulled over the answers, you've stared into the looking glass of prophecies (OK that's a little far-fetched). Now let us open your eyes to the truth. Men prepared to be impressed; Women pretend to be impressed.

Unholy Media Productions has distilled the sweet taste of truth from the succulent grain-alcohol of marketing (and it is delicious). We have fought the battle of marketing injustice and destroyed the monster that is advertising lies. We fight for the men who clicked that piece of email spam that haunts your inbox and taunts your conscious with its promise of "Male Enhancement" We know you wanted to click it, so we here at Unholy Media Productions did the unthinkable (and now are being plagued by more "male enhancement" spam than any decent human needs). We did our research, we prayed to our gods (4 to be exact), and rolled the dice of chance, all in the name of truth, justice, and America.

The fact of the matter is that EXTENZED Natural Male Enhancement does enhance, it does increase, it does enlarge... YOUR NOSE! Check it:

* Unholy Media Productions does not think that Extenzed works. Further we do not believe that any person regardless of age, sex or race should click on "Male Enhancement" emails
** Unholy Media Productions has posted the below ACTUAL testimonials from the real product below for your entertainment:

"I actually took them for over a year with no sign of growth. Later I became very sick and was hospitalized and the doctors discovered the pills were giving me lead poisoning due to large amounts of lead in the extenze pills. THIS IS SUCH A SCAM. Your better off dangling a 5 pound weight that's tied to your johnson every night than taking these, serious." - Lester

"So I have been using this product for 1 year and I have to say, it has actually made me smaller. My girlfriend left me for my best friend. Thanks ExtenZe" - Shane

"When the product arrived, I was so excited. I even called up my mother to tell her the good news. But, the news wasn't good. Extenze didn't work. I have not grown at all. I am still tiny, and my bank account is now also tiny. :( " - Snuggles

"why my husband was suckered into this scam is beyond me! I am so pissed about the fraudulent charges that even if his penis grew he would have to enjoy it all by himself!" - Kim

CASH4BLING

In our steadily declining economy we all know that every dollah' counts. Hell, every penny counts, and I haven't counted pennies since I was 3 and Bazooka Joe cost 5 cents [sidenote: that shit is the SHIT]. So in an effort to put some money back in your pocket, some green back in yo' billfold, some cheddah' back in dah' bizank; Unholy Media Productions Presents: Cash 4 Bling

Check it here is how this shit works:


Step 1: You jack some shit from some crazy homies, specifically some BLING
Step 2: You put that shit in a bag and mail that shit to us
Step 3: You sit on yo' couch, smoke a blizunt, and wait for us to get the shit
Step Fo': Once we get your shit we mail you some cheddah'
Step 5: Take yo' dollah-dollah billz, buy a piece
Step 6: Use your 9 Milli' and get some more shit from some crazy homies, specifically some BLING
Repeat as needed till you save up for those rimz [sidenote - stay tuned for our newest endeavor: Stolen Shit 4 Rimz]

Legal Disclaimer:
*Unholy Media Productions does not endorse the "jacking" of peoples "shit" nor do we condone using "9 milli's" to "mess up some homies". We simply want your bling.
**We do not accept clocks, unless they gots mad "ice" on them

Groundbreaking Ceremony

This blogg will serve a multitude of functions. Initially all creations of the bloggs owners imaginations will be forged into coherent posts transcribed from the seemingly nameless thoughts passing through our brains. These posts will then be refined into elegant media productions ranging from vibrant videos to.. well.. more posts. Each idea we conceptualize will contain hilarity which is sure to become excruciatingly worn out. Once we have milked each comic bit for every possible ounce of fun it is our hope that god will grant us the courage to move forward (no promises).

With that in mind we hope to unfold to all of our (many) followers some of the brilliant business plans we have poured our souls into over elongated lunch breaks and inter-office communication.

Congradulations to us! \o/



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Take special note! These ideas are well formulated business plans in the process of being trademarked and patented. In addition to legal penalties any individual attempting to profit off our business plans will be humiliated in public for a number of reasons.
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